Featured

Vyabhichar (adultery)

They are genuinely in love with each other. The power couple of his social group. 

She, however, prefers not to associate with any social groups. 

Natasha and Sanjh met young.  Second-year of Uni, when they chose to live away from home. And since then, they have been living together. 

Though now married for more than 7 years, their marriage was never a significant point in their love-relationship.

 And one day, ‘TROUBLE’ found its way to their paradise!

Sanjh, while awaiting for his mum’s arrival at the Adelaide International Airport, noticed a young girl – confused. Walking from one end of the arrival hall to the other, continuously scanning through people.

‘She must have been waiting for someone late,’ thought Sanjh. She was restless, couldn’t sit, repeatedly looking into her phone. Sanjh paid attention to her more than he usually does to strangers, stranger females. But this one was different! Her charm was worth all the attention!

‘She must be a student who landed in Australia for the first time,’ he thought. 

Expectedly, his mum arrived, and he forgot about the girl. Soon, they were about to leave the arrival-hall but were approached from behind.

The girl said her brother was meant to be coming to pick her up, but he was not there. Her phone had died, and to make things worse, her charger doesn’t fit Australian sockets.

It seemed Sanjh’s mother recognised her as the same girl – who sat across her in the flight and even helped her fill her arrival form.  

Sanjh had no hesitation left to help the girl, he went ahead and offered his phone. She made a couple of calls, and everything got sorted in no time.

The girl’s brother got late because he took a wrong exit, but was now only minutes away.

“Thank you so much” She finally showed her beautiful smile! 

They went their ways after the customary goodbyes.

Sanjh’s life was busy, like always. Most of his day would be spent dealing with clients, training the staff, and various meetings at his fast-growing consultancy firm.  He started a small firm around 5-6 years ago and hasn’t looked back since. 

Unarguably, he was a workaholic. Working long hours, never taking a day off, ending up going to work despite being sick, talking about work over the weekend-at drinks, during parties, everywhere, all the time. 

Was it exhausting for his wife? 

That’s a valid question. But somehow Sanjh’s busy-ness never caused any trouble between the two. They loved their life together. 

“You deserve to work for yourself now!” Six years ago, at a corporate award function, Natasha suggested Sanjh when he was awarded the best employee for the third time in a row! They sat across a table, sipping their drink and discussing on their next step in life. At the same time, people were busy wooing office girls including eyeing other’s partners, or to say the least, judging people’s poor fashion choices!

 ‘Don’t they get to see each other at home?’, someone at the party whispered to others, which was kind of right, But Sanjh and Natasha were just themselves.

‘Let’s dance, it’s my favourite song!’ she ran to the dance floor.

Sanjh finished his last sip before moving up, Not because he wanted to dance, but he hated guys dancing with his wife!  

She was too precious to even be shared a glance!

That gaze of hers that night, showed her unconditional support for him. She freed him of the potential failures in case of an uncalculated risk he takes. There was no other way to progress.

“Resigned from my job. Smith is a bastard.” He texted his wife within a week. 

“Resigned from my job. Smith is a bastard.” He texted his wife within a week. 

“Proud of you,  Let’s make you feel special tonight!”

 “And yes, don’t blame Smith!”

Natasha was happy but not surprised! 

Today, 6 years later, Sanjh was telling this story briefly to the Panel-Members he hired to conduct an interview at his firm.  He was also on the penal. 

The next interviewee was a girl named Ragii – well-presented, soft-spoken and stylish. With her great sense of fashion, had she joined the office, the aesthetic of the place would undeniably rise. 

Being stunning, may prove to be a reason of envy and competition, the motivation it creates eventually benefits the business.

Her broad and frequent smile suggested she was a naïve and thinks from heart. 

A breath of fresh air, she was!

But Selection-Panellists don’t buy breath of fresh air for $3000/month. They buy mint instead! 

Ragii was selected for her positive attitude and skills.

After the interview, people were chitchatting in the office foyer, Sanjh’s attention was again caught by a familiar face. 

“I am sorry, I have seen you somewhere” he suggested.

“You helped me at the airport”………. “thanks one more time…………….what a small world.” 

“ohhhh………yes, I remember…..So you reached home safe that night?”

“Well, I think so!” 

Both laughed!

Soon Ragii made a space for herself in the circle! She was everything that a young girl of her age would be like. Although she was a beginner at her trade, her clients never complained.

This accounted for the admiration she received in the central office but not for the attention she caught of the young blocks!

Soon, Natasha also heard about this girl in a dinner conversation with Sanjh. She always took a great interest in the office matters but chose never to interfere directly. 

Natasha works as an engineer, a degree which she earned to prove her family wrong. They believed she would never make it to a decent college because of her dreamy attitude, but they were mistaken!

These days she’s busy taking care of her twins, along with her favourite veggie-garden at home. She also loves counselling at the local library over the weekends. What a great way to meet new people!

One night when Sanjh came home, Natasha was nowhere to be seen. He heard some noise in the garage.

“Yaar (mate), I just came home after 13 hours of work, and you’re still busy here. What the hell are you up to now?” Sanjh complained after finally finding her in the middle of what seemed like a mess.

 She was busy practicing her newly found passion – the pottery wheel!

Her hands were dipped in the muddy water. Her hair, face, legs, clothes all wiped her muddy hands, which suggested she had been there for a while, disconnected with the rest of the world. These days she could be found submerged in the joy of creating and nurturing, a joy one can feel far before perfecting the two skills! 

As she sensed someone standing next to her. She looked up calmly, unaware of Sanjh’s struggles to find her in the last 20 minutes.

“You’re ignoring me these days! What’s going on?” he complained.

She didn’t say anything, just washed her hands and lead him into the house!

In their conversation that night, Natasha noticed something different about how Sanjh talked, precisely when he spoke about Ragii.

Natasha just listened to everything that he had to say. Once he fell asleep, she silently slipped back into the garage to continue with her desire to get her hands dirty!

In a month or so, the APP (Annual Professional Partnership) session was organised at Sanjh’s office. That session, all professionals come together to make suggestions for possible improvements to the contract documents.

Ragii was next to talk through her suggestions. In her high heels, she walked confidently to the front, and started presenting. 

But her accentuated curves didn’t let anyone hear a word, no matter how hard people tried, girls and boys alike! Emphasized was her collar bones in her one-off shoulder top, hair tied neatly at the back had left the neck bare and appealing. Her dazzling earrings softly touched her cheeks while she talked.

Sanjh felt a strong attraction that day! But acted like he was only listening to the presentation. He rejected his own wild thoughts just to bring his focus back to the discussion. He noticed her playful gaze, as well as her repeated attempts to hide her desires!

Ragii had different vibes that day, she was on a high since morning. Right after sitting in her car, she turned the music up, let her hair cover half her face, folded her sleeves, unbuttoned her shirt, sang like crazy, and teased strangers on her way to the office. 

Of two men she had pursued in the past, Ragii knew she deserved better! After all, it was a betrayal of her charm if men couldn’t figure out how she wanted to be loved! Letting them into her forte was a considerable favour in the first place, rest is their job to figure out! 

‘You need someone more mature’ a dear friend of her once suggested!

Ragii might have found someone mature at her office or why would she stand so close to  Sanjh sometimes even made excuses to go to him, which he was well aware of.

“Isn’t that ambiguous? Can we be a bit more specific over here?” She would bend a bit on the table and twist her waist.  She found playful behaviour extremely amusing. 

In the evening, over drinks, things went a step ahead! 

 Sanjh and Ragii stayed until everyone else left, even Chris and Karan had gone. The latter usually wouldn’t go until kicked out. 

Probably, they were left alone to enjoy each other’s company. It’s almost 2o’clock now, they were talking, smiling and sipping on their drink. None of them were ready to leave. The game was becoming more interesting.

“I really like you!” her heartbeat rose even higher as she finally told Sanjh.

“Thank you,” he handled it pretty well, being expert at these games, probably.

“what was Karan saying before he left?”

“He asked me out and……… Chris too!”

Ma******* hain dono (Both are M*****f*****s)! Pardon my language. They wanna sleep with every girl they see!

“And you?” she interrupted him.

He said Nothing,  just kept hiding his disbelief and pleasure under a subtle expression on his face.

Suddenly a phone call got him to leave abruptly. 

Next couple of weeks Ragii was away for her university exams. She was badly missed, her pictures on the social media were checked, texts -disguised as office work, were sent. Flowers and Chocolate boxes with little love notes used to begin her day. 

The day after she returned, she entered his room with a coffee cup “When did you return? And how do you know I badly needed a coffee, thank you so much.” 

“A strong Coffee is what you like”, she whispered.

She got up and went around the table, leaned on him, she asked seductively. 

“Did you miss me?”

She looked irresistible. Sanjh knew he was playing with fire, but he chose to burn than not pursue this path. He held her from the waist and pulled her closer to feel the warmth of her body. As soon as he leaned a little closer……

The whole office came into his room. People were shocked, they couldn’t believe Sanjh could do this. Some had started filming on their phones. 

SOON THE SCANDAL SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE!

“That’s not true, I can explain, please” he screamed in his dream.

“Are you ok?” Natasha, who was asleep next to him, asked while patting him softly on his back.

“F***…………..Thank God it was a dream!” 

“Saw something scary again?” She gave him a glass of water. 

“I need to tell you something.”

“What happened?” she asked after noticing the signs of a more significant trouble on his face.

“It wasn’t a scary dream, I need to tell you something. Look I have nothing to do with anyone” 

“You know that girl in the office, I have to fire her tomorrow, I can’t put my reputation at risk. She has been behaving weird around me, or probably I am behaving weird around her. In my dream, I saw myself making out in my own bloody office!”

Natasha didn’t react, but she wasn’t alarmed either.

“What did she do?”

“Nothing much, nothing really…but…..she…….!”

“Don’t worry, she’s seeing Chris.” Natasha smiled.

“What are you hiding, Natasha?” He asked suspiciously.

Natasha talked while laughing “I am sorry Sanjh, I didn’t know you would be this scared! The drinks night, Ragii kind of suggested if she could be herself around my husband. I said it was her life!” Both of us knew what she meant though, but I love proving people wrong”

Sanjh was disillusioned. “So it was a game between both of you” 

He pulled Natasha’s and carried her on his shoulder. His grip was so firm, she couldn’t move.

“Leave me Sanjh, what are you doing. Let me off.”

“I am going to kill you. You think everything is a joke.”

“Please, don’t go down the stairs.” “Careful.” She kept screaming, but he carried her straight to the backyard in the freezing winter night, and threw her in straight into the pool!

She swam out of the pool, shivering and gasping for air. Bare feet and cracking, she made her way to the fireplace right next to where he was sitting quietly. 

She squeezed water off her hair, then took off her drenched clothes one by one!

Sanjh could no longer fake his anger!

She moved closer to him, throwing her arms around his neck, letting him feel every inch of her body. 

“What if something happened?” he whispered while softly rubbing his beard on her neck.

“You would look for me in every woman, and that would be very disappointing for the poor other woman!” she giggled in confidence.

Sanjh was secretly impressed with her, but being a man, he chose to express his emotions through strength-exhibition. He pushed Natasha on the couch, leaned over and made love as if it was his last.

______________________________________________________________

Pic Credit- latestlaws.com

Featured

Friday Night

Sunset Denmark Sea Evening - Free photo on Pixabay

Friday Night!

Last night I received a text from a random guy who claimed to have known me for my outstanding writing skills. He said he knew me from our University because once I had written an assignment for him. And in his words it was ‘POETIC’!

How flattering!

He also mentioned that his last thesis was considered for ‘expert research’ at many universities around the world! But he chose me to fix the introduction to his latest thesis because he believed “it’s only you who can put rhythm into words and pulse into sentences!”

But life experiences have taught me that flattery is a weapon of manipulation! So, I refused his request.

“Sorry, not into writing assignments anymore.” I replied to his long texts.

“It’s a shame you stopped writing! I mean you were undoubtedly the best at Uni! I hope you’re still writing… as a hobby at least.” 

He’s right, if it wasn’t for the passion of writing, why would I be working 18 hours a day for peanuts! The flattery of his comment was overshadowed by the broke-phase I was going through! I am broke because I valued the learning from the best in the industry, over the coin I earn in my first job as an intern. But having absolutely no coins at hand also makes life Hell. Everything stops!

Soon my ego came to my rescue and I felt proud to have achieved what I have achieved at such a young age. Ego not only protects us it boosts our confidence too. 

“Working as an assistant editor at a leading daily The Town Talk!” ….“They picked me straight from Uni.” I replied in confidence.

“Please reconsider!” he insisted. “I think only you can do justice to my papers. I have to submit them on Monday”.

I didn’t say anything. 

I was wondering what made him believe he could convince me by flooding my inbox!

“Only a couple of pages of introduction!” 

“Happy to pay as you like.”

“Please! It’s a life and death situation for me! Can’t say more than this!”

‘WTH!” ……..He sounded creepy!…. Idiot.’ I thought of blocking his contact, I am frustrated anyway. I need weekends to rest or I might end up in a mental hospital.

Saturday morning (next day), when I was a bit rested and felt calmer, I was hit by the scary thought of being left with no money after groceries!……AND THE ALUMNI NIGHT ON FRIDAY?….  Shit…….! My eyes opened wide!  …Jay?……..Will I ruin my last chance to meet him?……..

I quickly grabbed my phone and texted this guy.

“Hey, I just realised, I might have a bit of time to help you…”

“Ohh!! Great. Thanks.” he reverted immediately.

“but $300 advance!” I said.

“Yeah, no worries. $300 is fine”. “Sorry, do you mind if I pay you the money by Thursday? That’s when the Uni pays me! You can trust me”.

F***ing  As*!   he thinks I would work for him over the weekend and then he can disappear without paying. 

But I analysed my situation again and accepted the terms just to keep the opportunity afloat. “OK that’s fine, but Thursday means Thursday.” I texted him.

He sent me the links to his research papers and other resources that I may need in order to finish writing a ‘rhythmic and pulsating’ introduction!

I started straight away, read a bit of his intro and looked through those resources online. 

His research was indeed interesting! I haven’t read anything like this in a while. It made me curious, so I kept skimming through all the resources until it was past midnight.

By Sunday evening, I finally finished writing an impressive introduction! I was completely consumed in the task, my weekend was gone! but I was happy with the whole experience! It was something fantastic, who is this guy!

I sent him the work and slept for the necessary few hours I needed before the week starts!

4 days had passed. It was Thursday. My worst fear came true. I did not receive a penny for the work I did for him! I texted to remind him of our mutual agreement. It was basically a favour I did for him and now he’s not even responding.

I went to bed thinking about Jay. We were kind of together at Uni, but we couldn’t commit for the adventure of finding someone more exciting in future! Eventually, after parting ways with him, I realised the value of that relationship. I hoped Jay was also thinking the same!

The next day was Friday and I was desperate to express my feelings to Jay! But how?,,…., I don’t even have a decent dress or shoes to start with!

Friday morning I was frustrated to see ‘NOTHING’ on my phone!

I rang the psycho immediately, But NO response again!

My frustration changed into fear. I tried again.

He didn’t answer.

……Was it my stupidity that pretended to be my gut feeling. I am still stupid to trust people, I am zero in negotiations! I cursed myself while still trying to reach him.

He finally answered “Hey, how are you?”

“Hey please transfer the amount, I really need to make a few arrangements for the alumni’s night tonight! It’s really important to me! Please understand,….. Jay and I……. Sorry…..   You can’t do this. You said Thursday” I was nervous and tried talking as calmly as possible.

“I am so sorry for the delay, I didn’t mean to. Hang on, let me transfer it you right now.”

My phone beeped. “Yeah I’ve got the notification. Thanks a lot.”

Before I could disconnect, he interrupted “Did you just say Jay? I.. kind of.. knew him from Uni. Good that you guys are still together.”

“And one more thing, ‘my thesis and your introduction’ has been sent to Stanford. Last night I was busy with the same and that’s why couldn’t see your messages or phone call.”

“That’s fantastic. Thanks.” I replied. I had no interest in his life anyway. 

“Sorry I have to go, my coffee break is over! I have the most busiest day of my life today. B bye.”

I wish I could say something about his impressive research before I disconnected. But what can an exhausted, over-occupied and broke girl offer him? And even if she tried, this guy behaved weird at times, as if he was talking to himself! 

Now, at least that I had some money in my account, I could go about the plans for the night I was long waiting for.

The clock hit 5 by the time I reached home! 

AND THE COUNTDOWN BEGAN FOR BOTH OF US!

I rushed to my room to get ready.

‘In his apartment, where he lives alone, he also started getting ready at the same time!’

I looked into the mirror, My entire body was screaming I had someone special on my mind!

He also had something special on his mind that night!’

I hailed a taxi for theAlumni Square. My eyes were only looking for Jay as I entered theHall!

He also walks towards his room after finishing some important paperwork!

In a while, I saw Jay! I chose not to rush! 

‘He also flattered himself in his own little adventures!’

Next moment, Jay was standing right next to me! He had the most romantic stare! My heart was pounding of joy and excitement! Jay moved closer…..

He now had bolted his room from inside to achieve what he had on his mind!

“Are you there?”……..” Hello…..Alana Sanger…. Can you hear me…Hello……?” The customer-care-rep brought my attention back to the present. I was completely lost in the past week’s memories to realise I was on a phone call.

I stood up in a mild panic and confusion. I was still hungover from last night’s party! “Yeah sorry I am here, please go ahead.” I said.

“How long did you know the sender for?”

“Not for long”

“Were you friends?”

“Yeah……. No, ..not really, …..We went to the same Uni that’s it?”.

“Why do you think he transferred you the amount?” The operator irritated me by asking unnecessary questions.

“I told you, he owed me $300, must have been a mistake of pressing more zeros.” …….just return him the money if you can!

“Ok, Ms Sanger, I can’t revert the money because the sender is dead. His account has been frozen after his demise on Friday night!.. I am afraid…………..!”

I was paralysed for a second. My phone slipped off my hands. I snatched his thesis from my drawer and searched for the evidence of my suspicion!

I found the line, that I ignored earlier “ only the most creative writer would be able to do justice to my last experiment!” …….I fell on the floor.

He made me write his suicide essay!

PO Box 186

Free PO Boxes for Sydney's homeless - Australia Post

‘It’s an endless grief 

and a life-time’s haunt.

call me a murderer

if that’s what you want!

the bullets I shot

got him relieved

had you heard his screams

you would have believed

Yes I burst his head

away from his throat!

He was littered in the yard,

with his skin lying charred,

A horrifying sight of

so much blood so much dark!

You feel my pain

and grief so deep

of murdering a friend

so dear to me!

Who do I complain and who to blame

that dark night,

when the God’s were barred!

The Demons Took Charge!’

I murdered a friend

Who was everything to me!

He would present his side of the story to her every single day. The same story, of the night when he was told his friend was in trouble. He ran to his rescue, but, before he could make it, it was too late. 

A friend and a lover was lost forever that night! 

They were three friends who grew up together, in the same city. When the time came, both the boys expressed their love for her, but she accepted the one who, she believed, was made for her. 

However, the new equation didn’t change their old friendship, they still remained inseparable.

After losing the lover, the remaining two friends were married off by their families. They were far too much in pain to oppose or accept the new development. 

At least the new marital-alliance will give the two friends a space to grieve together- for the rest of their lives.

And who else could understand their loss better than they did for each other!

There on, they mourned together every night. All their conversations revolved around the night of the horrifying accident. Was it really an accident? Who attacked him? Why? What di did he do to anyone to deserve this? What was his fault? And what did you do to save him? Were you behind all this?

She would hear the same narrative 

and her questions would be the same.

‘why did you fire at him?

‘Did YOU set him to flames?’

Tell me once- what was the real aim.

Was it to win me,

Was I the reason 

you set up this game!

Let me know the truth

Not the same story I want to hear

time and again!

He would answer every question of hers in the hope to make her believe. 

She would break down in his arms and would eventually fall asleep. 

They were in pain and their friendship was in deep strain. 

But he did not lose hope. 

He was a real gem! A player, a lover indeed. 

He stayed there for her,

to truly let her feel

that he was her man 

and would always stand by her will she need.

His love got her slowly healed. 

And very soon she was almost back on her feet.

To feel the new life and a new bliss!!

She took care of herself, 

And rejected all her troublesome thoughts.

once again she relied on her dreams 

Their home once again was a place of love

harmony and peace!

But one fine day, after he had left for work, someone knocked on the door. She opened the door. It was a lady in some sort of a uniform. She was polite in her introduction as the one from the Human Rights Commission visiting families of the Riot affected areas in the town. 

‘I am here in response of the letters you wrote to the police, press, home ministry and the human rights. All they could find at the sight are here in this envelope.’ 

The lady handed-over a paper pack, it was the dead man’s possessions they found at the scene of the crime. She demanded a few signatures, explained a few papers and then left to do the same for many homes in the city.

As soon as the lady left, she quickly locked the door from inside and read the details written on the envelope.  She teared it carefully to retrieve A half burnt driving- licence, a key and a silver ring with a gemstone. Her eyes blurred as she felt the ring in her hands. Her breathing changed to sobbing. She was told that a quartz in silver keeps lovers together forever! Everything was a lie!

She then picked the burnt licence and felt it’s texture with her fingers, as if she felt him through the touch. After inspecting his belongings repeatedly, she wiped her tears and read the words that were not clearly visible on the licence. His family address, had changed since.

But she didn’t know what the keys were for!

Days went as normal, she didn’t tell anyone about the envelope and it’s delivery. After all, from the day of her marriage what has she given her partner other than suspicion, pain and more responsibility? She can’t be this selfish. She can’t bring the same conversations back.

A few days later, it randomly struck. She remembered! The key from the envelope was his Post-Box keys. The post box that both the boys had to buy after finding missing some important job correspondence.

Her instincts were guiding her. Without telling anyone, she left for the post office the same afternoon. After a bit of hassle, she found PO-box 186. She took the key out and tried into the lock. It was a smooth open. The small box was almost full with job offers, rejection letters and marketing mails.

Finally a pale envelope caught her attention. She found what she was looking for- his AUTOPSY REPORT. It was a detailed 10 paged report. There were details of the body at the crime-scene, body organs and their sequential failure, sketches of the body showing bullet marks from different angles and other legal and medical details.

On page 3, it was clearly mentioned, in bold:

The time of death: Between 9 and 10pm

The cause of death: Gunshot on the head

Manner of death: Homicide

The burns time:  90% burns Between 10-12pm 

Date of Autopsy: 24-02-2020

She wasn’t shocked to read that he was shot before he was burnt. She always knew or else this post-mortem report wouldn’t have stayed hidden from her. Impassive, she started walking home. 

A vicious smile cracked on her lips 

She was lied every day

betrayed by her closest friend. 

Her life was gamed ! 

The demon lives in her house, 

eats with her and sleeps in her arms!

The demon was her luck

written on her palms!!

Four days later, her body was reported to be found on a train track in another city.

He tracked back to find the autopsy report. In the NOTE section it was clearly written that the burn times could differ by up to 5 hours.

 But he knew that section was not read. She was only waiting to get a validation for her suspicion and distrust. 

But it wasn’t the autopsy that led to the fatal distrust, it was the riots that sow the seed of disbelief and left a legacy of destruction which will continue to misguide people for decades.

(Delhi Feb 2020)

Pic credit- Auspost.com.au

Indemnity

 Indemnity

The clouds from my window-seat look like a scene from a fantasy, while the harsh sunlight reminds me of my reality – cold and unfair.
Seated next to me, is federal police officer Sam Lathigo (Juvenile crime)!

I have no remorse what-so-ever for my dangerous act! First, if truth be told, the whole experience has been relieving!

My name is Jordan.
Jordan A Sisilleigh…….. Yeah… hard to pronounce!
The weird surname is because of my mixed and mysterious ancestry! My great grandfather was from an unknown place near Turkey, and my great grandmother was from somewhere near North China! Just like their place of birth, their reason to end up in Australia is also unknown.
But I think they met after being displaced during a war.
In my family, I have my dad, uncle Toni, and my dead grandmother.
The most interesting fact about me is – I am half Indian!
I am interested in this competition because I want to create a game for people who are uncomfortable with their reality.

My casual choice of words on the application form for the Under-15 International American Coding Nonsense clearly showed my disinterest in submitting this application. My Coding Teacher- Mr. Henzki, had forced me to do so. He hung over my head the whole time until he could read the notification ‘Your application has been successfully submitted’.

All this was not happening for the first time. Every third week, I was put into some sort of creative-smug, simply because teachers at this school have no life of their own!

And precisely for such useless reasons, once again, I forgot that dad was awaiting me at the front gate of the school.

As soon as I got into dad’s old noisy car, he exploded in anger “why the hell do you have a phone on you when you don’t even answer it.”

I slammed the car door and yelled back even louder, “It’s not my fault. Phones are not allowed in the classrooms.”

“Don’t sh** me, your school had gotten over an hour ago. You got me late for my job again!” Dad rebuked.

I was furious, but couldn’t say a word.

I kept looking out of the window. On the next turn, after the Green Reserve, enraged, I opened my door and jumped off the moving car.

The concrete pushed into my chest. I heard something breaking; probably a bone rolled uncontrollably down on the grass into the Reserve. I finally stopped against a lamp post. It was scary, but because it was my own silly decision, I simply got up, dusted myself off, and started walking home.

No one could be seen around; neither was Dad’s car!

Once I got home, I found a grocery list note on the kitchen table, and I know it was meant for me. “I am not a bloody servant in this house.” I chucked the paper straight into the bin and went to my room.

The previous month, I successfully hacked some idiotic websites, which soared my confidence, so as a result, I aimed higher today. But no success so far.
Frustrated, I pulled out grandma’s letter that she had left for me when she died; I was five then.

My dear Jordan,

I am so blessed to have you as my grandson. I wish I could live a little longer………..………………….
Your mother was a beautiful young woman when I first met her. She could make anyone fall for her wit and intelligence! She came to Australia to visit her uncle’s family in Sydney, and destiny made her meet your dad through a common friend. And YOU happened.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Her family never approved of her decision. She eventually had to surrender to her family’s pressure and move on.
It was one of the most challenging situations I had faced in my life. Her family had their honour at stake, and she had her whole life in front of her. I had no choice but to step up and assure her of the love and care I would give you and never let you feel her absence!

But destiny had its plans.

You deserve all the happiness in this world.

Love
Granny

I had overheard uncle Toni talk, suggesting my mom belonged to an educated Brahmin family of Southern India. She was offered a fellowship at the Royal Research Centre in London while still studying her undergrad degree in India. For her distinct achievement, she was allowed a holiday in Australia.
Here, she met my dad at a beach party. They hung around together for a while.

With these thoughts in my aching body, I caught snooze in no time. Later, at night, I was disrupted by dad’s heavy voice in my room.
“I thought you died after jumping off my car.” Dad taunted.

I was sleepy and couldn’t understand what he meant. I sat down and chose to look out of the window into the dark.

“Next time.. try jumping off a car when it’s running a little faster……!”
“Jump offs cliff… to get some legit bruise. I used to get better bruise playing footy.” He teased.

I didn’t talk to dad or laugh at his jokes. I kept staring out of the window, irritated; he was out of my room in no time.

I regretted the choices I made that day because my anger completely took over my ability to think!

The next day, my pain was better, and I went to school as usual.

Near the end of the day, Ms. Brown, our drama teacher, asked me to see her in the school theatre for repeatedly missing rehearsals. Our crew was to perform at The Graduation Ceremony.

In her typical ‘Victorian-era tone,’ Ms. Brown demanded.
“May I know what made you think, skipping rehearsals at this point would be accepted?”

“I don’t identify with my role, Ms. Brown.”

“And who are you, my dear? What do you know of yourself?”

“That I don’t know yet, but what I do know is- no medieval courtier would let go of a cheating partner.”
“I think he was a coward,” I added precisely with a confident tone.

She listened carefully, then went into her office at the end of the stairs and brought out a stack of books along with a file full of loose notes to hand over to me.

Absolute Love and The art of killing were the top two books from the stack!

Despite all Ms. Brown’s support and my extensive research to understand my character in the drama, I couldn’t participate because the final performance date fell in the Coding-Nonsense week!

For the next couple of weeks, my life kept going the same way! Dad and I continued to dislike each other. My friends stayed busy, impressing girls, and I kept digging deeper into the web to find answers to questions that had been hurting me ever since I remember.
‘What makes a mother leave her son and never back?

One day, my name was announced along with five other kids for making it to the School Coding Team. I was informed to prepare to fly to America in a week.

I didn’t make any preparations, I just packed some of my stuff the night before my flight, and I was ready to leave!
I didn’t tell dad anything yet.

Hours before flying, when I exited the front door of my house to leave for the airport, I saw dad sitting in his noisy car waiting for me.

He was dropping me off to the airport!

I texted Braydon for the change in drop off-plan, then walked to the car, threw my bags in the back seat, and sat next to him in the front.

On our way to the airport, which was about a 70-minute drive, I put songs by Chainsmokers. Dad gave me a stingy look. I ignored.

Dad handed me some American currency notes and a paper at the airport drop off. I quickly popped it into my bag before disappearing in the check-in line!

It was a long and tedious flight to Los Angeles. We got off at around 4 pm at the local time. Our Lodge was an hour drive, and the competition venue was on our way. OR3O, the young software company in Nevada, had organised this event.

The next four days flew in a snap. The first two days were spent in the intense training provided by the professionals at OR3O. And the next two days were consumed by the actual competition of creating an online game that would be launched by OREO as their own.

Friday night, after the competition, the crew was celebrating and busy deciding how they would spend the next day. I chose to check my money first and then pick accordingly. As I pulled out some notes form my bag, I spotted the paper dad gave me.

I curiously unfolded it to read.

158 C Malibu Road,
Malibu CA 90265, USA
Your mother’s address!

I sat down and reread every letter.

1 5 8 C M a l i b u R o a d,
M a l i b u C A 9 0 2 6 5, U S A

Y o u r m o t h e r’s a d d r e s s.

For a moment, my brain didn’t register any thoughts, I took my phone out and searched the address.

…. 2-hour drive from here…….

My head couldn’t process anything in the shock. I tried keeping calm, but restlessness overpowered!

In the morning, I got up, get ready, went to the neighbouring shop to buy some flowers, then caught a cab to 158C Malibu Road, CA.

It was a long ride, but my uneasiness made it the longest ride of my life.

Soon the cab entered a beautiful lake area- green, quiet and wide open; and the
The cab finally stopped outside 158C Malibu Road, CA.

158 C was written in bold. I stood facing the double story house with a large front garden. It looked like a modern European house with a flat roof and huge windows. But what caught my eyes was the brass Ganesh with a marigold garland on the Porch’s right. I joined my palms towards ‘Ganesh’ like any Indian boy would do.

Over the past five years, I had researched every little thing about India, Ganesh statue connecting another dot today!

On the left was the intercom system, which prompted me to enter the visitor’s name and appointment time. I entered my name and date & time of birth. It worked!

After a while, a lady, who was not my mother, opened the door and asked me to come in. I followed her to the lounge on the right and seated facing the windows with bright yellow see-through silk curtains.
The mild aroma of freshly cooked rice was spread all over the house, but it failed to bring my appetite back.

It was a while; no one came.
“Hello, Akshar……, ..what a….. pleasant surprize..” a nervous but warm sound made me turn around. It was my mother standing next to me.

She was what I imagined her to be! Warm, graceful, and kind. Her vibes were strong and different.

I was stunned and just stood like stone.
But she was visibly shocked even after she took a long time before coming to the room. She smiled and looked around to calm her emotions.

After a long pause from both of us, she asked, “How are you?”

“I wasn’t informed about your arrival, Akshar!” she explained.

“I came with my school group for a competition… a coding.. ..game …at OR3O….. in Nevada.. so……” I explained formally.

“So, Did you win the competition?” She smiled.

“Yes.. actually we did… our team won the title for the ‘out of the box thinkers”.

She talked as if she knew me. Like my birth mother would. She is my mother.

She was still smiling politely then asked, probably to make me comfortable!

“What are your plans after you graduate from school?”

Right then, came a little boy running into the room and got embarrassed about finding me, a stranger there! He quickly turned to his mother to complain of his older sister, in his baby voice.

In the mother-son conversation, all I could understand was
“Grandpa”………………… “Astronaut”…..and
“Music Lesson”…….

The little one ran back in, shouting, “Don’t tell grandpa.”

My draining confusion was once more interrupted by my mother’s question.

“How is your grandma? She asked with a bright smile on her face.”

“Grandma died when I was 5,” I told her in a casual tone, thinking she would know about it.

She took a pause but didn’t say anything.

Meantime, I noticed mum was ready to leave for somewhere, in her bright, colourful Indian attire.

The attendant lady came and asked if I needed juice or lunch. I politely refused, saying I had to go back to the Lodge in time, or Mr. Henski will be angry.

“Let me drop you off to the main door,” mother offered.

I got up and followed her to the Porch.

We did not say much on our way to the road.

My cab arrived.

She looked indifferent and said, “take care.”

I nodded and sat in the car before disappearing from her sight.

On my ride back to the Lodge, something hit me.
“Is that it!” “Is that all I deserve in 14 years!”

My anger took over my being. My long wait, my love, her complete and happy life without me, everything turned into a poisonous anger!

My questions were still unanswered.
Why did she never visit me?
Why did she never talk to me?
Did she even love me?
Because I was a mistake, I deserved to be abandoned?

I was regretting for visiting her.

Luckily there was no one at the Lodge when I came back. I locked myself into the room. I couldn’t cry. I was breathing heavily; the rage inside me was exploding my head. It was causing immense pain!

It was time I decide I am not going to take pain alone! People who have caused it will have to share it!

The next morning I found myself on a mission. I sneaked out of my room without making any noise. I made my way to the kitchen through the hall, went straight to the ‘entry restricted’ inner kitchen, and stuffed my mouth with whatever food I could find.

As I turned around to leave, I picked up the sharpest knife before I left!

I again booked a cab for 158C Malibu Road, CA.

Unfortunately, there was no one at the house. I returned to the Lodge, and we left for the airport! I still carried the knife with me.

We reached the airport, checked in successfully, and rested in the waiting area before boarding. I suddenly noticed there was a policeman in his uniform, who was suspiciously looking at me. I ignored.

After boarding the plane, my teacher, Mr. Henski, came to my seat and handed over a letter.

Dear Akshar,
The pain of separation never got better in the last 14 years! I had the impression that the love of your beautiful grandma and father would fill me perfectly.
Your father didnt tell me about your grandma’s demise because he wanted to save me from going back to the same situation I put myself into 14 years ago.

It was destined for you to have only one parent, because your father and I were not in love, by leaving you to your grandma I tried giving you both!

I am seated on seat 73B in your flight.
I hope you won’t mind joining me for the next few days on my second Australian holiday with my son!

Your mother

I felt an enormous relief!

I wanted to go to mum straightaway, but the officer sitting next to me is not letting me! He’s suspicious of me right from the moment he saw me handing over the kitchen knife to the airline crew at the check-in! The same kitchen knife that I picked up to cut the annoying strings in my jumper!

Politics isn’t dirty, it’s our collective responsibility

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Politics isn’t dirty, it’s our collective responsibility

The electoral mandate for every general election has never failed to amaze me. The results are never obvious and no matter how much the political parties mislead the common man, the latter have always victoriously brought the democracy forward!

The big fat Indian general elections of 2019 are here again! While Modi has started gearing up with the best marketing professionals of the world, the common people are expressing their discontentment quiet openly, as openly as they had showed their support for the BJP in the general elections of 2014.

Even Bhakts who used to confidently troll on social media are now quietly sucking up the reality. However, the higher grade bhakts, those followed by Modi himself on Twitter, are still maintaining their blind faith in the Modi-fied system as is.

Needless to say, after buying the fourth pillar of democracy, destructing a well-growing economy and incapably managing the foreign affairs as well as international relations, Modi has lately exhausted people of his high voltage stage drama too!

In the past, people used to enjoy such live-performances, apparently because people were bored of the long silence of the previous Maun-Mohan govt, but now they are well aware of the hole this entertainment has bored in their pockets. The price of Demonetisation for one. The masterstroke of Demo, if could not prove Modi’s degrees fake, have undoubtedly proven that those of Manmohan’s were REAL!!

Congress on the other hand has failed yet again.  This time they have even failed to become an opposition. A strong opposition makes democracy stronger but congress’ leaders (leaders of corruption brigade I mean) seem relaxed. They have been waiting for the power to return to them in 2019. Meantime, for their own benefit, they kept torturing poor Rahul by making him talk non-sense in the public!

But congress is not entirely wrong when they lazily hope for satta to drop in their lap and (pocket too!). It’s highly likely to happen in the next elections but so is the likelihood of Modi coming back to power!!

Also, for those who are blaming the govt for every misery in their lives must realise that Modi has never forced them to vote for him. Modi is the consequence you bear for your own inability to take a right decision. Modi is the same Sanghi that he always was. He left his family to pursue his political career and did anything and everything to get to where he is. He deserves to be the Akbar of the twenty-first century because the universal forces know NO right or wrong. They bless you for your consistency and Modi was consistent!

Needless to say, the two traditional parties are a reflection of each other. They thrive on the corruption that ensures their next term in power! They look at people as numbers, and some numbers don’t impress them at all! Like the numbers 67 in Delhi!

So, if you’re expecting that the India of your dreams will be formed by selecting one of these traditional parties, I am sorry you’re dreaming!

It’s high time the young minds take the responsibility to create a future they deserve to live! Doing the same thing over and over again brings the same result. Walking the same path gets you to the same old destination. However, a change may bring another change!

The new politics need vision, not power. It needs the voters involvement and activism, analysis and comparison, research and facts checking, the right to dissent, and seeking accountability. This change has already taken place in many places in the world and societies are flourishing as a result. Don’t elect a person you can’t question. If you elect someone more powerful than yourself, by what logic they should work for you? Elect someone powerless like a woman, a Dalit or a young-adult with no-power background.

It is now our turn to demand what we deserve – FREEDOM.

मैं शर्मिन्दा हूँ.

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हिन्दी में लिखने को मन हमेशा करता था पर जब मेरे पहले blog को मेरी माँ ने दूसरों के माध्यम से समझा तो मेरी हिन्दी में लिखने की जरूरत और भी प्रबल हो गई. फिर गौरीलंकेश की हत्या ने इसे इस सप्ताह की मेरी सबसे बड़ी प्राथमिकता बना दिया. गौरीलंकेश कन्नड़ में लिखती थी.

बहस, चर्चा, टिप्पणी, कटाक्ष, आरोप और प्रत्यारोपों के बीच हर रोज़ की तरह रसोइ घर का काम जल्द निपट गया और फिर एक बार ख़बरों के सहारे मैंने भारत में एक और दिन बिताया. पहलू खा़न जैसे लोग मुझे फिर एक बार अन्दर तक हिला जाते हैं – शायद वो मेरे अपने हैं, तो कुछ तस्वीरें स्मरणपटल पर घाव कर जाती हैं और सवाल रात भर पीछा करते हैं. प्रश्न खुद ही उठते हैं और चित्त उनके जवाब ढूंढने में लग जाता है जिसमें मेरी इज़ाज़त की ज़रूरत किसी को नहीं पड़ती.

वैसे तो विश्व स्तर पर राजनीति किसी नैतिक पैमाने पर तुल कर काम नहीं करती और लगभग हर देश के राजनैतिक निर्णय वहाँ के औद्योगिक-समीकरण, वोट-बैंक, सत्ता-स्वार्थ और धनी व प्रभावशाली के दबाव को स्पष्ट तौर पर दिखाते हैं, पर बीते कुछ दशकों में भारत में राजनीति सत्ता की पर्याय बन गई और इसका प्रतिबिम्ब समाज पर प्रायः भयावह दिखाई पड़ा.

समाज, जो राजनीति के दायरे सुनिश्चित करता है, की दूरदृष्टि राजनीति द्वारा सीमित कर दी गई.

2014 में भारतीय राजनीति ने फिर एक बार बड़ी करवट ली तो लगा जन जागरुकता की मिसाल कायम हुई है और विकास व प्रगतिशीलता की तस्वीर अब सहज ही उभरती नजर आएगी. पर जल्द ही पिछली सरकार की तरह यह भी शर्मिंदगी का सबब बन जाएगी ऐसा मैने न सोचा था.

निजी तौर पर मुझे traditional politics से कोइ उम्मीद तो नहीं थी, पर जन-मानस की आने वाली नई सरकार से आसमान-से-ऊँची आकांशाओं और उऩके दृढ़ विश्वास ने मेरे अविश्वास को जीत लिया. मैंने स्वयं को यह कह कर समझा लिया कि शायद मेरे राजनैतिक ज्ञान और सूझबूझ अभी उतऩे परिपक्व नहीं कि मैं किसी तजुर्बेकार के नेतृव से नाउम्मीदी करूं. 2013 की मेरी ये facebook post इसका सबूत है.

16 September 2013 ·

Nothing wrong in giving him a chance this time, he has done a good job in Gujarat , y not try him for the centre this time… Secularism does not feed a family, hunger creates more and lasting destruction than a riot does. Corruption makes life frustrating…
And then Gujarat riots were not first in India …. If Congress could survive after Sikh manslaughter so can Modi…
—— an educated and frustrated congressi who always has the freedom of choice to vote and experiment in a democratic setup , doesn’t matter even if the experiment fails…

चूंकी हमारे यहां राजनैतिक भ्रष्टाचार की सज़ा जैसी कोई रिवाज़ नहीं, 2014 का लगभग अभूतपूर्व जनमत लोगों के पिछली सरकार पर आक्रोश और उनकी खुली लूट के लिए एक सजा जैसा था. काँग्रेसी लाला – नेता के भेष में रहने वाले पारिवार-ग़ुलाम अब इस भेष से बाहर आ सकते थे. दिल्ली इस बार इतिहास के पन्नों पर नहीं बल्कि इन लालाओं ने खेल के मैदान में लूटी थी और तब का मेरा प्रधानमंत्री चुप रहा, मैं उस चुप्पी पर आज भी शर्मिन्दा हूँ.

वहीं दूसरी ओर अलगाववादी इतिहास रखने वाली नई सरकार से सामाजिक न्याय की अपेक्षा मूर्खता थी पर औद्योगिक व निर्माणवादी आर्थिक स्वावलंबिता निकट ही दिखाई पड़ने लगी. इस अपेक्षा को पूरा करने हेतु शुरूआती विदेश यात्राओं के दौरान दुनिया के सबसे बड़े प्रजातंत्र का चुना हुआ सिपाही अपनी पार्टी सोच से बाहर आने में विफल होता तब दिखाई पड़ा जब उन्होने यह टिप्पणी की कि भारतीयों को भारतीय होने पर शर्म महसूस होती होगी. 

इसके बाद बहुत सी ऐसी बातें और ऐसे फैंसले हुए जिसने मौजूदा सरकार को काँग्रस+गाय सिद्ध कर दिया. पर पिछले सप्ताह ख़बरों में कुछ ऐसा मिला जो मेरे इस लेख को लिखने का कारण बना.

मैने पढ़ा और विश्वास ऩहीं किया कि गौरीशंकर की हत्योप्रांत twitter पर असभ्य व बेहुदा टिप्पणी करने वाला शख्स, प्रधानमंत्री दारा twitter पर follow किए जाने वाले 1714-कुछ लोगों में से एक है. इससे पहले भी मैंने विपक्ष को ऐसा ही कुछ कहते सुना था, पर party politics का हवाला देते, उसे महत्व नहीं दिया. लेकिन इस बार आरोप सटीक था तो मैंने किसी नतीजे पर पहुंचने से पहले कुछ जाच-पडंताल करनी ठीक समझी.

खोजने पर मुझे पता चला कि यह सचमुच एक तथ्य है जिसे कोई भी twitter account रखने वाला आसानी से देख सकता है.

अगला सवाल यह था कि क्या महानायक महाव्यस्त होते हुए भी अपना account स्वयं संभालते हैं? एक RTI के जवाबानुसार उत्तर ‘हां’ था. मैंने फिर एक बार propaganda news का counter argument देते हुए सोचा कि हो सकता है महानायक को इसकी भनक न हो! पर फिर सोचा कि क्या PMO भी बेखबर है? और यदि है, तो क्या ये PMO की असक्षमता नहीं जो प्रधानमंत्री के पद की गरिमा को ताक पर रखे है.

और गहरा खोदा तो पाया कि यह पहला और अकेला ऐसा वाक्या नहीं जब महानायक द्वारा follow किए गए दुर्योधनों ने भद्र महिलाओं को अभद्र शब्द कहे हैं. ऐसी कई गाली-गलौच भरे tweets मेरे सामने आए जिनमें लगभग हर tweet में महिलाओं को प्रत्यक्ष या परोक्ष रूप से वैश्या कहा गया. उनके tweets से ऐसा प्रतीत हुआ जैसे इस दुनिया में केवल दो प्रकार की महिलाऐं हैं – एक जिन पर उनका वर्चस्व है और बाकी सभी वैश्याएँ.

बेटी-बचाओ कहने वाले भीष्म की e-उपस्थिति में द्रोपिदयों को बार-बार वैश्या कहा गया और भीष्म चुप हैं. मैं आज फिर इस चुप्पी पर शर्मिन्दा हूँ.

(situation a week before publishing).

Photo source with thanks- http://www.bodahub.com/indian-right-wing-nationalism-feminism/

To my little sister who has decided to marry the ARRANGED way!!

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Today when you’re taking the most important decision of your life, my little sister, I would like to talk to you a little longer than usual. Not to give you advice or put pressure on you of any kind, for I know the pressure is already immense! The pressure of getting married- after you have finished university and have crossed 25!

Through his letter, I am rather trying to lighten some pressure off your shoulders!

Having closely seen two of our older sisters married as per their choice and the other two as per our family’s choice, we know that this decision alone doesn’t make a  huge difference to your long term happiness. None of our sisters are less or more happy than the other. You probably have rightly understood that decision making is only about choosing a path; and every path comes with its own struggle as well as rewards. I congratulate you on showing courageous and taking a step forward. You are right when you want to dictate terms for what type of future partner you want.

At this point in time, you are going through the roller coaster of excitement and anxiety. A moment when all the failed marriages, successful marriages, and everything in between flashes through your head confusing you like never before. You might be experiencing self-doubt. People around you would add on to your dilemma by expecting you to fit into their box. The box that says ‘smart and independent women never go for an arranged marriage. In these toiling times, little sister, let me tell you that YOU WILL BE FINE!

You will be ok, because you are an educated woman who has the ability decide, learn and grow. You know how to be respectful, you are flexible and adaptable too. I have seen you having a cordial tuning with all our family members even if you happen to disagree with some of them. You are known to care for your friends. Dear sister, let me tell you that the wisdom of life doesn’t lie in the ability to run a multibillion company but lies in the ability to love and forgive! Even the CEO’s had to learn to forgive and let go before they could become the top dogs! You have already mastered these two- you have a heart that can accept, and you can love unconditionally!

Remember, as a family we never want you to allow anyone to compromise on your freedom and self-respect!

You don’t have anyone special in your life, and therefore, you have nodded for an arranged partner. So, let the responsibility now fully be on your family’s shoulders. Let them do their job without any interference. Let them go out in all directions and find the right guy. Let there be no further bars after THE CASTE-BAR! Let them find the family that’s decent and economically stable. Let them find a boy they can trust with their instincts, for their daughter and my sister. No matter what area, city, or town he lives in, as these can be changed later if they need to be. Do not restrict your choices on a certain type of guy as long as he is educated and compassionate!

No matter how awkward this system of arranged marriages look to the outer world and even to you today, it is one of the many amazing old systems that has thrived on the strong social bonding and trust our forefathers had built within their communities. They kept their values high to create an entity their people could trust. It is now time to reap those hard-earned benefits. A system that’s been evolving for centuries cannot be underestimated!

Yes, this system has ugly sides too but do we ever make decisions based on those? No.
When confused- think positive, stay calm, and do your duty!!! You will never go wrong.

If your feminism takes a toll on you and throws stuff like -why do you have to leave your home and why not the guy!! Then let me tell you three things – one, this patriarchal society is not going to give us equal rights until we make ourselves strong contenders for our own rights. Two, this change is not happening in the next six months or a year, but you have decided to get married somewhere within this time frame. And three, this process is hard for the boy and his family too, not to the same extent but it is! Remember they have to share their space (house) with this stranger who just came yesterday and have started claiming everything to be hers (legally and morally)! Remember the night, two days before Bhai’s wedding amidst all the loud celebrations; we spent the night worrying ‘what if the girl is not right for our family?’ ‘What if she doesn’t care about us?’ What if…..”. That night was spent restlessly, and it was an arranged marriage! Same uneasiness people go through when they wed a person of their choice. They often ask themselves a hundred times if they are doing the right thing, the right way, the right time. ‘Yes’…. ‘But what if.’……?

It’s perfectly all right sometimes to have those thoughts. What matters is how you manage them.

You at this stage, are not expected to do much. So just relax! Enjoy your single-status with friends and gang. Eat,work, party, sleep, repeat! Work hard at your job because career is the only things that can change bad times into bearable ones! Take a Vodka shot (or two) if you’re not a boring Tea-Totaler like me! But don’t you worry! The basis of all healthy relationships is -love, forgiveness, and mutual respect irrespective of why or how the relationship started!

Love
Didi

Just a phone call away!